Post by Captain Jack Sparrow on Feb 14, 2007 19:29:50 GMT
A/N: Just a little fun, not to be taken seriously, definately not publishing material...But I was bored. What d'you expect?
Jack woke up and lazily stretched a paw up to the ceiling.
Ahh, another day with me crew and me catnip, he thought.
Jack was a pirate cat. He’d always wanted to be a pirate since he saw the movies about them when he was a kitten. His favourite had been Treasure Island until his third birthday, when he saw the movie that would change his life forever…
The pirates’ name was Jack, too!
And thus Jack the Cat was dubbed Jack Sparrow. He had decided that he must be some long lost relative of the actual legend, seeing as the first prey that he’d ever caught had been a sparrow.
Jack rolled onto his front and stood. He sharpened his claws on the living room drapes before trotting into the kitchen to eat breakfast, head held high, tail wafting back and forth effortlessly.
Mr. Gi-ibbs! Where’s me breakfast? He called to his first mate, who was dressed in a bathing gown and slippers when he shuffled into the room.
”Meow!” Gibbs heard.
“Alright, alright, Jack, I’m coming. It’s Saturday, y’know.”
Hangover day, smiled Jack, as Gibbs made up his favourite meal-Chicken and Liver. He licked his lips as the bowl was put in front of him.
Oi, Gibbs, where’s me ships’ biscuit?
“Me-e-ow!”
“Oh, sorry Jack.” Gibbs murmured, shaking some dry food on top of the meal.
Tha’s better. He purred, and tucked in.
After polishing the bowl with his tongue several times, he had an idea.
Time for some ‘nip! He thought, and leapt up onto the cabinet where it was kept. His fur prickled in horror. There’s none left!
He had fleeting mental images of rolling around in the garden with a catnip mouse singing ‘A Pirates’ life for Me.’ the night before.
Ah…Good times…But I must have destroyed it!
Jack scowled. What was he to do now? He eyed the grog that Gibbs kept in those unusual cans.
No. I’ll go and look in the garden first.
So Jack ran out through the cat flap, noticing at once something was up. It had rained that night, so the severed catnip mouse had all but been washed away with the water. He searched the long grass in vain, trying to peer between the new shoots, peeking over the tulips and even digging in the soft wet mud. Jack saw tiny dregs of the precious weed trickling down into the drain with the puddles. He took a deep breath before realising his only remaining decision.
He travelled down the road, feeling the earth under his paws as he wandered into the back passages, and then into the woodland around the back of the houses. He soon came to a small, leaf ridden clearing where Tia’s den was concealed. He sighed. Did he really want to do this?
If I want me ‘nip I have ter! He thought, raising a paw to open the door. Before he could even lay a claw on the entrance, it swung open, revealing a patchwork long-haired Persian cat, who raised her own paw and whacked him right round the face.
“Ow! Wha’ did I do thi’ time?” Jack screeched, “There’s no need ter dig yer claws in me mug!”
He smoothed back his crumpled whiskers, the matted black mane-like fur that grew around his neck and his red bandanna.
”Jack Sparra, yer lyin’ piece o’ scum! Where’s me di’mon ring dat yer was gonna get me three months ago?”
“Well, Tia, yer have ter understand tha’ diamond rings don’t just appear outta nowhere.”
Jack explained slyly, “They’re real hard to obtain, luv. Jus’ give me one more week an’ I promise, promise, promise I’ll get yer one.”
”You’ve promised me de werld before, Jack,” Tia muttered sadly, “an’ I’m no’ sure you understand how upsettin’ it is…”
Jack flashed his golden-toothed smile, the plaited fur underneath his chin swaying in the breeze.
”I do, luv, tha’s why I got payment fer now ter make up fer it.”
Tia’s stubby ears pricked up a little. Jack swished his tail and caught one of the bracelets tied into it in his mouth nimbly. He offered it to Tia, who observed it carefully, sniffing it as if he may have poisoned the delicate beads. After a long, pensive moment Tia made up her mind,
”Alrigh’, Jack,” She replied, letting him slip the bracelet over her neck like a necklace. She admired it happily. “Tis’ the last time yer will be goin’ about rippin’ me off, though!” Tia warned, pointing a long, uncut claw at his chest. Jack squirmed a little as he felt it draw blood. The warm red liquid snaked down his beige fur, staining it crimson. Tia retracted her claws as pulled her paw away as if he were red-hot. “I’m sorry, Jack, I didn’t mean ter-“
”It’s alright, lass.” Jack said, wiping the blood away quickly. His tail swished back and forth as he tried to peek over her shoulder, curiously. “Y’know what you’re meant ter put on wounds, don’t yer?”
Tia thought. It was quite a quick thought since she was an expert at that sort of thing.
”Alcohol…or for cats maybe you could use…” She said, slowly. “Oh, I see!” She rolled her eyes, tutting, “I knew there’d be catnip involved.”
”Do ye by any chance have any in that pretty little den o’ yours?”
Tia turned and proceeded back into her hideaway, returning with a small leather bag with a large handle, stuffed with weed. She’d probably stolen the purse from a human. Jack grinned, flexing his paws impatiently.
”Tia, you’re a lifesaver, mate.” He said, as he bowed his head to let Tia slip it over his neck. He had an idea. “I wonder if a certain lass woul’ like ter come an’ help me eat it?”
Tia smiled.
”I might, you ol’ tease.”
Jack exploded out of the doorway, his claws extended for extra grip on the cold, December ice and slippery mud puddles. He saw Tia in his wake, so he ran all the way to the field where they could see the stars. He momentarily glanced back at her, to check she was still there. Tia laughed as she saw the cat she was pursuing stumble on a large twig and roll over and over down the hill, his tail dragging in the dirt. He stopped at the bottom, coughing.
”You ‘kay, Jack?” Tia asked in her Caribbean accent, with genuine concern. She thumped him on the back with a powerful thud.
“Ye-Yeah!” He spluttered, “I’m fine. At least I you don’t have ter give me any more jars of dirt, I have a mouthful of it.”
Tia giggled.
”You’ve always been a joker, Jack.” She purred and groomed his mucky fur. He shivered and smiled appreciatively. “You’re right, ‘tis too cold.” Tia said, halting.
Jack frowned for an instant.
”Yeah…” He agreed, “It’s freezin’! Let’s have some ‘nip to warm us up, eh?”
He tipped the bag upside-down and emptied its contents onto the cool ground. Tia leapt onto the catnip, rolling in the brown herbs and momentarily looked up to eye her friend suspiciously.
”Never saw you distracted from ‘nip before, Jack,” She said.
”I jus’ wanted ter says yer had pretty eyes, tha’s all.” The Captain said, his ears flattening as he bent to frolic himself. Tia smiled.
”Bless yer heart.” She said. The moment didn’t last long. Jack licked his lips and suddenly staggered, toppling over again, waving his paws at the stars.
”Oh look Tia, a ship! Wonder why it’s gettin’ bigger?”
”Eh?”
”Ahh, no, Captain, the ship’s bein’ attacked by a giant…man-eatin’…Hamster!” He kicked violently, as if fighting something.
Tia pushed him, starting to feel the affect of the catnip herself.
”Get away yer stinkin’ hamster!” He yelled, but Tia could tell he was having a joke. They collapsed in a heap of giggles before starting a rather rowdy chorus of ‘What shall we do with the Drunken Sailor?’
Gasping for breath and shaking with uncontrollable giggles, Tia finally got up.
”Alrigh’ Jack, I better get back, yer know all the toms are out tonigh’, an’ yer know what they did ter me house last time.”
Jack shuddered.
”Yer couldn’t get the smell out fer weeks…”
Tia bent down and nuzzled his head.
”See y’round.” she said gently, before scampering into the distance. Jack watched as the tie-dyed cat’s silhouette disappeared into the darkness. He suddenly realised how late it was. Had he spent all day here? He got up onto his paws, shook the mud from his coat, wandered back to his ‘ship’ and collapsed at the front door step.
Jack woke up and lazily stretched a paw up to the ceiling.
Ahh, another day with me crew and me catnip, he thought.
Jack was a pirate cat. He’d always wanted to be a pirate since he saw the movies about them when he was a kitten. His favourite had been Treasure Island until his third birthday, when he saw the movie that would change his life forever…
The pirates’ name was Jack, too!
And thus Jack the Cat was dubbed Jack Sparrow. He had decided that he must be some long lost relative of the actual legend, seeing as the first prey that he’d ever caught had been a sparrow.
Jack rolled onto his front and stood. He sharpened his claws on the living room drapes before trotting into the kitchen to eat breakfast, head held high, tail wafting back and forth effortlessly.
Mr. Gi-ibbs! Where’s me breakfast? He called to his first mate, who was dressed in a bathing gown and slippers when he shuffled into the room.
”Meow!” Gibbs heard.
“Alright, alright, Jack, I’m coming. It’s Saturday, y’know.”
Hangover day, smiled Jack, as Gibbs made up his favourite meal-Chicken and Liver. He licked his lips as the bowl was put in front of him.
Oi, Gibbs, where’s me ships’ biscuit?
“Me-e-ow!”
“Oh, sorry Jack.” Gibbs murmured, shaking some dry food on top of the meal.
Tha’s better. He purred, and tucked in.
After polishing the bowl with his tongue several times, he had an idea.
Time for some ‘nip! He thought, and leapt up onto the cabinet where it was kept. His fur prickled in horror. There’s none left!
He had fleeting mental images of rolling around in the garden with a catnip mouse singing ‘A Pirates’ life for Me.’ the night before.
Ah…Good times…But I must have destroyed it!
Jack scowled. What was he to do now? He eyed the grog that Gibbs kept in those unusual cans.
No. I’ll go and look in the garden first.
So Jack ran out through the cat flap, noticing at once something was up. It had rained that night, so the severed catnip mouse had all but been washed away with the water. He searched the long grass in vain, trying to peer between the new shoots, peeking over the tulips and even digging in the soft wet mud. Jack saw tiny dregs of the precious weed trickling down into the drain with the puddles. He took a deep breath before realising his only remaining decision.
He travelled down the road, feeling the earth under his paws as he wandered into the back passages, and then into the woodland around the back of the houses. He soon came to a small, leaf ridden clearing where Tia’s den was concealed. He sighed. Did he really want to do this?
If I want me ‘nip I have ter! He thought, raising a paw to open the door. Before he could even lay a claw on the entrance, it swung open, revealing a patchwork long-haired Persian cat, who raised her own paw and whacked him right round the face.
“Ow! Wha’ did I do thi’ time?” Jack screeched, “There’s no need ter dig yer claws in me mug!”
He smoothed back his crumpled whiskers, the matted black mane-like fur that grew around his neck and his red bandanna.
”Jack Sparra, yer lyin’ piece o’ scum! Where’s me di’mon ring dat yer was gonna get me three months ago?”
“Well, Tia, yer have ter understand tha’ diamond rings don’t just appear outta nowhere.”
Jack explained slyly, “They’re real hard to obtain, luv. Jus’ give me one more week an’ I promise, promise, promise I’ll get yer one.”
”You’ve promised me de werld before, Jack,” Tia muttered sadly, “an’ I’m no’ sure you understand how upsettin’ it is…”
Jack flashed his golden-toothed smile, the plaited fur underneath his chin swaying in the breeze.
”I do, luv, tha’s why I got payment fer now ter make up fer it.”
Tia’s stubby ears pricked up a little. Jack swished his tail and caught one of the bracelets tied into it in his mouth nimbly. He offered it to Tia, who observed it carefully, sniffing it as if he may have poisoned the delicate beads. After a long, pensive moment Tia made up her mind,
”Alrigh’, Jack,” She replied, letting him slip the bracelet over her neck like a necklace. She admired it happily. “Tis’ the last time yer will be goin’ about rippin’ me off, though!” Tia warned, pointing a long, uncut claw at his chest. Jack squirmed a little as he felt it draw blood. The warm red liquid snaked down his beige fur, staining it crimson. Tia retracted her claws as pulled her paw away as if he were red-hot. “I’m sorry, Jack, I didn’t mean ter-“
”It’s alright, lass.” Jack said, wiping the blood away quickly. His tail swished back and forth as he tried to peek over her shoulder, curiously. “Y’know what you’re meant ter put on wounds, don’t yer?”
Tia thought. It was quite a quick thought since she was an expert at that sort of thing.
”Alcohol…or for cats maybe you could use…” She said, slowly. “Oh, I see!” She rolled her eyes, tutting, “I knew there’d be catnip involved.”
”Do ye by any chance have any in that pretty little den o’ yours?”
Tia turned and proceeded back into her hideaway, returning with a small leather bag with a large handle, stuffed with weed. She’d probably stolen the purse from a human. Jack grinned, flexing his paws impatiently.
”Tia, you’re a lifesaver, mate.” He said, as he bowed his head to let Tia slip it over his neck. He had an idea. “I wonder if a certain lass woul’ like ter come an’ help me eat it?”
Tia smiled.
”I might, you ol’ tease.”
Jack exploded out of the doorway, his claws extended for extra grip on the cold, December ice and slippery mud puddles. He saw Tia in his wake, so he ran all the way to the field where they could see the stars. He momentarily glanced back at her, to check she was still there. Tia laughed as she saw the cat she was pursuing stumble on a large twig and roll over and over down the hill, his tail dragging in the dirt. He stopped at the bottom, coughing.
”You ‘kay, Jack?” Tia asked in her Caribbean accent, with genuine concern. She thumped him on the back with a powerful thud.
“Ye-Yeah!” He spluttered, “I’m fine. At least I you don’t have ter give me any more jars of dirt, I have a mouthful of it.”
Tia giggled.
”You’ve always been a joker, Jack.” She purred and groomed his mucky fur. He shivered and smiled appreciatively. “You’re right, ‘tis too cold.” Tia said, halting.
Jack frowned for an instant.
”Yeah…” He agreed, “It’s freezin’! Let’s have some ‘nip to warm us up, eh?”
He tipped the bag upside-down and emptied its contents onto the cool ground. Tia leapt onto the catnip, rolling in the brown herbs and momentarily looked up to eye her friend suspiciously.
”Never saw you distracted from ‘nip before, Jack,” She said.
”I jus’ wanted ter says yer had pretty eyes, tha’s all.” The Captain said, his ears flattening as he bent to frolic himself. Tia smiled.
”Bless yer heart.” She said. The moment didn’t last long. Jack licked his lips and suddenly staggered, toppling over again, waving his paws at the stars.
”Oh look Tia, a ship! Wonder why it’s gettin’ bigger?”
”Eh?”
”Ahh, no, Captain, the ship’s bein’ attacked by a giant…man-eatin’…Hamster!” He kicked violently, as if fighting something.
Tia pushed him, starting to feel the affect of the catnip herself.
”Get away yer stinkin’ hamster!” He yelled, but Tia could tell he was having a joke. They collapsed in a heap of giggles before starting a rather rowdy chorus of ‘What shall we do with the Drunken Sailor?’
Gasping for breath and shaking with uncontrollable giggles, Tia finally got up.
”Alrigh’ Jack, I better get back, yer know all the toms are out tonigh’, an’ yer know what they did ter me house last time.”
Jack shuddered.
”Yer couldn’t get the smell out fer weeks…”
Tia bent down and nuzzled his head.
”See y’round.” she said gently, before scampering into the distance. Jack watched as the tie-dyed cat’s silhouette disappeared into the darkness. He suddenly realised how late it was. Had he spent all day here? He got up onto his paws, shook the mud from his coat, wandered back to his ‘ship’ and collapsed at the front door step.